Keywords: Oocyte donation; Gametesexterna; Psychological reflection

To make a child with gametes external to the couple

No body can say what is good for a couple and can not make that choice instead of the couple ! But we must have in mind some elements to make this choice. In particular, keep in mind that the oocyte is a cell. It's just a cell and not a baby whose couple will benefit. This cell will evolve, grow, take root within the body of the woman ! It's the women who will do the work for baby to arrive. In addition, note that although genetically this baby will not match, but there is an intra-uterine exchange between the baby and the woman, both physiological and emotional. The physiological exchange is that of any mother with her baby via the placental barrier. There are nutrients, flavors, etc. and a blood exchange.The emotional exchange is also that of any mother with her child. This exchange is essential, it must serve to build the beginning of the relationship with his baby.
The voice, the sounds, the touch, etc., are all ways of starting the relationship. Besides I advise the transfer to speak with the embryo. Talking to her embryo, what a funny idea, perhaps ! But this will allow to put in words the expectations, the questions, the anxieties, and must allow the woman of the couple to say it and to get along. It will also help the couple to make this cell become a bit of their own cell. We find that many women say after receiving an egg donation that they are no longer aware of this donation. It's as if it had been erased ! It is the intra-uterine exchange that makes it possible to pass the course and make this cell the baby of the woman who welcomes it. It will take place 9 months of a conventional pregnancy after becoming pregnant. Many women are anxious about receiving a donation, but during pregnancy they are almost no longer alluding to it. A baby not genetically me, but impressed me anyway !

It is true that in the idea of ??becoming parents, twoideascoexist

The idea of ??genetic transmission; the idea of ??a transmission of culture, family history, etc.
In the case of oocyte donation, we must go beyond the stage of genetic transmission, to deal only with the part of cultural, historical transmission, etc.  Note that many parents, whose children are 100% genetically children, have children whose physical characteristics are not close to them. However, they love their children, even if they do not look like them!
The true work of a parent is the transmission of his values, culture, history ...They must make a baby a man, armed to withstand the surrounding world. This is also the job of the couple when they have an egg donation. It is true that at birth, the entourage will play the game of similarities between the baby and the family. This game often does not make sense because many babies do not have strong physical similarities with family members. But they are actually used to make this child a full member of the family. If he looks like an uncle, a sister, then he belongs to our family! But a parent's job is to make him an adult, and it's with family history and culture that he will be built like any other child.
The choice of the gift is a choice above all that must be selfish, because despite the desire of the couple to have a child, premium above all the personal and individual feeling of each member of the couple ! It is not a question of making a choice by default but by conviction in order to be able to give this child his place.

Say it or not say it
There are now many schools of thought, but it seems almost certain that it is important, if not essential, to tell your child. Because it is his story, and to be able to build in the most serene way, he must be aware of this choice. A child does not judge the choice of his parents but understands the act in a setting, a story, and will hear beyond words the desire and love that led the couple to make this choice which was probably not obvious at first !
To tell his child as soon as possible, as a story told to him, can only be done when the mourning of the natural child and the acceptance of the gift are fully made. Regarding the entourage, no obligation to say it or not. It is a choice and a reflection of the couple facing an environment he knows and whose feelings he masters.